I don't like being in that little gray area. I don't like to second guess all the time and not know the answers to the why's. I'd rather be either in the black or white area so that I would know absolutely where I stand. I want to know the exact answers and not have to beat around the bush nor chase that person beating around the bush. From now on, it's either a YES or a NO for me. No more maybes.
I used to dwell often in the maybes. I was always unsure about myself; apprehensive to do things, scared to make decisions, hesitant to say things aloud. I figured I'd stay in the neutral zone so that if things don't go as planned, the consequences wouldn't be as harsh. I would always have a 50-50 chance of being right (or wrong for that matter). There are also lesser disappointments since the expectations could go either way. You're not really expecting anything good but you're not expecting anything bad either. Whichever way, wala lang. Kebs ka lang.
But then I discovered being in this mode will eventually begin to eat you up alive. Being in that hazy gray area of uncertainty all the time is like walking with your eyes closed. Are you going to trip? Are you going to bump into something? Maybe. Siguro. Baka hindi. Baka oo. After awhile, you just get tired of thinking and thinking, having to second guess all the time whether you're going to fall or not. I want to be able to know and be sure that I won't fall (or will fall, whichever). I don't really care as long as I know.
I don't want to be vague and I will stop being one starting today. I don't want to read ambiguous people and I will stop getting to know them. I promise!
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