On Living Life and Being

I used to have a long list of the things that I want to:

BE,
learn,
do,
continue,
and finish.

But then I realized it’s impossible to accomplish everything. Not in this lifetime anyway. I used to want a lot. I wanted a full and happening life, thinking that it was what I needed to give my life a sense of purpose. I wanted to be this and that. I wanted to do this and that. I wanted to be here and there at the same time. I wanted to be out there, fully maximizing everything I’ve got. My dreams (or so I thought) were all over the place. I didn’t know where to start. I then discovered I wasn’t superwoman pala.

Sometimes we get too consumed with being conquerors of the world that we forget the real meaning of our whole being, with our being here. Now. We are hell bent on living the perfect life that eventually, our priorities and values get distorted. We pursue, do, and want the wrong things for the wrong reasons without even noticing it. We want to have and do more, even when we already have more than enough. It seems like we’re not easily satisfied anymore. Kulang na lang we overthrow the One up there.

I do still have my list with me and yes, it’s still getting longer. But I’m not too worried anymore if I don’t accomplish everything in it. I’m taking it slow because I want to savor and take in life as much as I can. I’ve discovered that you don’t have to do much to actually see and feel the beauty of life. It’s the small little things that make life beautiful and special in itself. As Tom Cruise would say in Vanilla Sky, “It’s the small things, there’s nothing bigger.”

My Diet Plan

Friends say I don’t tell stories that much about myself. I give off the impression that I’m pretty much a close book. Not that I have a lot to share anyway. Hehe. And it’s not that I’m trying to be secretive or mysterious; I guess I just prefer to keep everything low-key. I like to leave a little something for myself and enjoy whatever little “privacy” it gives me. I relish the fact that I have these little silly secrets (not the deep dark secrets type though if that’s what you’re thinking) that not everyone knows about. I also feel that sharing too much can sometimes lead to trouble or biases. But then that’s just the way it is. People will always have something to say, good or bad. You can expect that some will be happy for you and some won’t be. Some will have their opinions which may or may not what you want to hear. This doesn't mean you shouldn’t listen to what people would have to say. You just have to know what to pick out from all that are being said and use it in the most constructive way possible.

I’m sticking to a low information diet for now though. I’m trying to cut down on the things that I hear and see. I don’t need to know everything anyway. Just like they say, what you don’t know won’t hurt you. Right? I’m also finding a way to filter out the useless from the useful. Just like what my friend mentioned to me the other day, I’m going to put on these imaginary horse blinders so that I will be able to stick to my route and so that I won’t be bothered by the nonsense that I come into contact with. As long as it doesn’t directly impact my being, then I won’t bother with it. I’ve now made it my personal goal to be positive, happy, and unaffected as much as possible. And I’m definitely sticking to my "low or no info diet" plan with all the willpower I got. You should try it, it’s hunger free and healthy.

On Signs & Giving Up

I always have this habit of asking for signs whenever I’m unsure about something. Recently I asked for three signs—unusual and hard to find signs. I wasn’t really thinking about it much. I have actually forgotten all about it. Not until the week after when I got all three. It just popped out right at me without any warning at all. It was strange, weird in a good kind of way.

All three positive signs in a span of just a week. I don’t know if you can call it a coincidence. The signs I got were supposed to help me answer everything. I told myself that if I got the signs, I was going to follow its outcome, no more questions asked. And now that I got it, it’s ironic how I ended up doing the exact opposite. Ang gulo ko talaga minsan.

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When we have something valuable, we never let go. We hold on to it and keep it as long as we can. But sometimes it’s beyond our control when circumstances call for us to do otherwise. While we want to fight for it, a part of us is also scared (and sometimes tired) to do so. When we are constantly faced with doubts, we eventually begin to question whether it is indeed meant for us. Choosing to let go does not mean we’re weak because it’s no mean feat to give up something that we hold close to our heart. It takes a lot of courage to end something that has already become a part of us.

Letting go also does not always mean we don’t want it anymore. Sometimes it’s also a matter of the circumstances that we’re surrounded in…sort of like being with the right person but at the wrong time or being at the right time but with the wrong person, whichever you fancy. Perhaps we should never close our doors just yet because maybe some things (or person) are just not meant for us, for now. But we’ll never know when destiny will give us another chance and we’ll get to have it again. This time it’s going to be better, and it's going to last a lifetime.