Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008

2007 is about to end in a couple of hours. As early as now I’m turning nostalgic already, and to think the year has not even ended yet. I’m really going to miss the year that was. It has been one helluva ride. It was a fairly smooth one with a couple of bumps along the way. I’m glad I still managed to get to the end with a good head on my shoulders. The highlight of my year would have to be Paris, Italy, and Tokyo. Europe was such a surreal experience, one that I will never ever forget. I’m definitely going back to Paris whether my budget likes it or not. Hehe This year was also the year I met different kinds of people, some unique colorful personalities whom I never thought I would actually get along with. I’m blessed to have met such really nice cool people whom eventually and unexpectedly became an important part of my life. While a lot of new people came into my life, I also lost dear ones. 2007 will never be complete without my grandma Amma Adams and cousin Jerric. They will always and forever be in my heart. May my niece Ma-an, aunt Lucy, and uncle Peter rest in peace as well.

This year is one of the most memorable one yet. It was indeed a year full of surprises and laughter, as well as heartaches and pain. There were also a few regrets, but I think I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I've stumbled, learned, and grown a lot. I feel like a bigger person now, thanks to 2007. I’m definitely looking forward to the coming year. I’ve got my hopes all high, my goals way up in the sky, and my happy heart on my sleeves. I'm going to travel light this coming year. No more excess baggage this time around. Cheers to 2007! Here's to a fresh brand new start. 2008, here I come!

On Letting Go

-Staying with someone you really love even if you know it's better letting go is like standing under the rain. It feels good but you know it's going to make you sick.

-Sometimes people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act and it's hard when people can't understand you for doing so.

-One grows distant from another not because of hatred, not because of indifference but because of fear. There's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer; a recognition of the tendency to fall deeply and consequently rush in a quicksand of stupid rationalities. Sometimes what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it.

-A "goodbye" can hurt but not as much as an "I love you" that can't be proven.

-I thought love can melt the pain no matter how painful it is...but I was wrong, because now I know pain can melt the love no matter how great it is.

-Every tear of sadness that we shed for a person we love is a capsule of memory that we have to leave behind. We fall in love so that we will learn. We get hurt so that we will become strong, and we cry so that we can let go and find our place in the life of someone who will love us right.

-Letting go of someone doesn't sincerely mean you have to stop loving. It only means that you allow that person to find his/her own happiness without expecting him/her to come back. Letting go is not just letting the other person free in the real sense of it. But it is also setting yourself free from animosities, hostility, and resentments that was long kept in your heart. You have to let go because not doing so often diminishes the strength we have left and weakens the little hope left making our lives more miserable than ever. If ever you lose that special someone today, it simply means someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love. Probably it was another mismatch in heaven.

-In love you have to expect absence at some point but that doesn't mean it's the end; all you have to do is wait for a time. Give the person space because true love is proven when a person has seen the best people in the world but still turns back to where you are, reaches for your hand and chooses you above the world's best.

Hmnn..

Sher sent this text forward a couple of days ago,

"There are times when I wish that I was limited to certain emotions. So that I'll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken. But the same thing means that I'll never know how it feels to love and be loved in return. The thought of it kind of scares me. To have a heart that's whole but numb, or a heart that's broken but real."

Which one would you rather have?

Help End Hunger

Tin showed me Free Rice , a cool site that lets you play and help feed the poor at the same time. For each word you answered correctly, you get to donate 20 grains of rice through the United Nations. I got 3,780 grains of rice. I would have wanted to get more rice if I didn't have to go to work early the next day. As of this writing, 254,840,800 grains of rice has been donated already.

"The United Nations estimates that the cost to end world hunger completely, along with diseases related to hunger and poverty, is about $195 billion a year. Twenty two countries have joined together to raise this money by each contributing 0.7% (less than 1%) of national income. Some of the countries have already met this goal. Others are being a little slow, but this can be fixed."

Friends Forever XOXO

I don’t know if it has to do with the so-called “fast paced lifestyle” we have, there’s something about today’s world that makes it difficult for one to have a satisfying relationship. Everything just seems impersonal and detached. The “Hi’s and How are you’s?” are automatically spelt out without any thought. The responses to it are likewise the same. The standard “I’m fine. How about you’s?” are just as predictably expected. I’m finding it hard to rise above all the superficiality and look for that warm (Wow, warm daw. Hehe) genuineness.

These days it’s almost rare to meet someone whom you can actually enjoy a real conversation with. Everyone is just in a hurry to go off somewhere and do their own thing. Consider yourself lucky if you will meet someone who’s actually genuinely interested in what you have to say or in what you do even.

That is why it’s no mean feat to build real-lationships. We all got our own lives to live, issues and hang-ups to deal with, do we even have the time to bother with someone else’s? Most of the people I meet usually just come and go. I guess some people are just meant to be just that—fleeting, transitory. For whatever reason, they probably came into my life for a (short) purpose that I unfortunately will never know.

Having said all these, I’m still glad though that despite the humongous effort that it requires, I’m able to build a few new friendships along the way and maintain old connections as well. In any given day, I will definitely choose to have a few real good FRIENDs over a thousand of “friends”. In the end it's not really about winning Ms. Congeniality, but rather it's about the special bond that you have with the person.

To my friends (you know who you are), THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Mwah!

My Potential Keeper

Another excerpt from Theresa Lariosa's Bulalo Soup for the Sole:

…And so, almost every week, I get to meet someone new. I categorize most of these guys into ONERS, POTEN-Cs and the KEEPERS. The ONERS are your usual one-night-stand possibilities. Ones you wouldn’t be caught dead with under the sheets the next day. The ones you wave at from a far-off distance and hope that he won’t come near. The names you don’t bother to ask. Usually I entertain ONERS when I’ve taken in more than enough alcohol to sedate an elephant. They absolutely look gorgeous when they’re blurred.

Then, there are the POTEN-Cs. Just like the vitamin supplements, they could be essential but they are not the be-all and end-all of living. POTEN-Cs are also short for potentials. The one you could be serious with, but not totally. They’re “steady dates”, good conversationalists and could turn out to be terrific lovers.

Finally, there’s the KEEPER. He’s prince charming on a BMW (or a Jaguar) or any car for that matter! He has something between his ears. He can speak fluent English (or any other language!) yet can kid around like a kanto boy. And, he doesn’t go around parading that obviously huge tail between his legs! He’s the kind of guy I wouldn’t have sex with until he realizes that I would give up my whole life to be with him (which could be a while, though).

In life, POTEN-Cs could be Keepers. In fact, they could be better than Keepers. It’s not settling for something less, but living in the now. To each his own, I guess. Maybe in time I’ll get to meet MY Keeper. But right now, I’m happy meeting a multitude of POTEN-Cs. One might not stay one for long. Who knows? As long as I keep thinking of them as POTEN-Cs, one could metamorphose into a Keeper. Like any precious artifact, he might turn out to be one heck of a jewel!

Optimus Prime and E.T.

There was this scene in Heroes where Wes asked Claire, “Are you a robot or an alien?” This got me to thinking. Am I a robot, an alien or none of the above? We may not be aware of it but we’re robots and aliens in some way or another. Robots are the hoi polloi in society. They always conform to a prescribed norm. They do everything automatically even if they don’t necessarily believe in it, because they always have this need to fit in and belong to a group. Aliens on the other hand are the complete opposites of robots. Aliens have their own world. They do their own thing without giving a damn about what the majority has to say. They hate conforming and would do anything to break out of any mold that they may be cast in.

I’m not sure where do I exactly fall between the two. Perhaps I’m an alien-robot cross breed. Sometimes I can be a robot, a trend seeking follower if you’d like to call it that. But sometimes I can also be an alien going against the tide. Perhaps there isn’t any right or wrong type to be in, because we’re all built differently. What may work for us may not necessarily work for someone else.

With that being said, we shouldn’t judge someone as being odd just because they’re doing something that we’re not accustomed to doing. We shouldn’t crucify someone for not being like “us” (us here would mean the majority). But then this does not mean that we should start being eccentric and act like an outcast to everybody. Being an outcast is not (I repeat, not) cool. Being different doesn’t mean we have to go against everything else and scrap all rules. We need to find a middle ground. Being a little of both types will surely give us a lot of flexibility, don't you think?

Robot or alien, it doesn’t really matter. We all have our own unique way of doing things. We shouldn’t be programmed (as is usually the case) to think that there is only one way, one solution, or one right thing that we have to follow every single time. Ultimately it is our life. We should live life the way we feel and see it, and not on some other’s idea of how it should be. If you think being a robot will do you good then go ahead. If you want to be an alien, then so be it. Whatever your choice will be, promise I won’t sue you.

All In

If you’re uncertain of a thing, would you still pursue it or take the safe road? The sound and practical choice would be to take the safe route. Nobody wants to deal with dramas and heartaches that come with the other option. Who would want take all that extra emotional baggage? Definitely not me. But then I also don’t want to sacrifice my happiness in exchange for mediocrity. I don’t want to take the safe road just because it’s the most prudent thing to do or because it’s what most of the people are doing. I don’t want to have to ever settle for something especially if I know I deserve something better. Settling should never be an option even. I want to take chances even if it may bring potential heartaches (and heartbreaks). I want to gamble all that I have even if it means I may lose my bet in the end. Taking the least traveled road may not be foolproof but hey, life is all about taking risks. You got to take at least one (or better, lots and lots of it if your risk appetite is high), at least once in your life.

Fast Food

"Live, love, eat!" - Wolfgang Puck

I’ve been eating fast food for the past four days. Lately I’ve been craving for McDonald’s chicken with rice (and lots of gravy), which means additional hours at the gym for me. My sisters were saying fast food had a funny effect on me, all wrong and opposite at that. Ever since I started working at McDonald’s (2 years and counting), I’ve come to develop a love for it. Usually it should be the other way around right? Some would probably have an adverse effect to it and start changing their eating habits. I was actually never really big on anything fast food before. Yeah there were those occasional burgers and fries but there were no cravings. Today’s a different story though. Maybe working five days a week at a fast food joint took its toll on me (in a positive way though. Hehe).When I see and smell all the food that’s cooking in the kitchen, it’s just so tempting to screw your diet plan and grab a bite. I don’t know, or maybe it was learning and seeing how the food is prepared that has made me pro-fast food (well, pro-McDonald’s only to be specific). I’ve come to know how high the standards are maintained in producing good quality food; hot and fresh all the time. Fast food isn’t all that bad anyway. One would just need to be smart about it. If you ate a big mac today, then don’t eat it again tomorrow. If you just had a large fries with hot fudge sundae, then go burn it off in the gym instead of just sitting on your butt doing nothing. As history would tell us, anything in excess (yes, even too much love can be bad for your health.) will always, I repeat will not always be good for you. So folks, start practicing moderation if you want to live longer.

Seriously Addicted

The hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. Often, too often things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It’s the high we’re chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away. We get addicted for a reason. The thing about addiction is that it never ends well because eventually whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and it starts to hurt. Still they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

-From Grey's Season 3

To see is to believe.

Sometimes you can’t take things at face value. Yes doesn’t always means yes.
One may say a thing and do a completely different thing. Just like in those advertisements, it’s so easy to make promises but it doesn’t necessarily guarantee results. It may be tempting to believe in the good intentions of a certain person but sometimes you have to take it with a grain of salt (or lots of salt at that.). The cynic in me tells me that just like rules are meant to be broken, promises too should not be taken seriously. People always love to talk all the time. But where’s the walk? Nada. Nil. As they say all bark no bite. That’s why maybe it’s better to doubt and question every little thing then start trusting immediately.

Friends say I’m naïve, too kind for my own good. I believe and trust easily. But that’s because I have always believe in the good of every person. When people have something bad to say, expect me to say something that is the exact opposite. When people say or do something, I’ll always believe it to be true without any doubt at all. But I’m slowly learning not to take every action and every word seriously. I may not question one's intentions but I ain't going to believe it as well, not that quick anyway. I'm going to be smarter from now on. Play smart right? As long as there isn’t any concrete proof, it won't mean anything to me. I’ll just dismiss it as nothing. Simple and easy.

My P100.00 Price Tag

I attended a 5 day management class last week. One of the activities was about conflict management. The task was to create our own blank price tag. The instructor asked us to place a value from P0 to P100 on our price tag based on how much we think we are worth. I wanted to have a blank price tag because I can’t seem to put an exact amount. I just felt P100 or any figure for that matter would not suffice. I finally wrote down P100 since it’s the allowable maximum amount. I was actually surprised to find out that only a few had P100 price tags. Most of my classmates valued themselves at P74, P60, P95, and etc. One explained she still had a lot of things to improve on, while one said she still hasn’t found that thing that would complete her, and so on. Personally I feel that no matter how incomplete or inadequate we feel, we are all worth more than we are. Nothing can ever quantify or qualify our being us.

The instructor then went on to explain that the main intent of the activity was to show us that we are all worth something and when put in a difficult situation, we should always remember our price tags. No one can make us feel worthless or inferior without our consent. We should always hold on to our price tags. We should never underestimate our worth. In most cases, we always tend to back out and give up in times of conflict. We tend to devalue ourselves and sacrifice our own principles for the sake of peace, agreement, or friendship. It shouldn't have to be this way. We should never compromise our beliefs especially when we know we’re on the right side. You can never go wrong when you’re on the good side of the law right? One should neither take things sitting down especially when one’s values are at stake nor should one hesitate to defend the values of the others if need be. If you’re worth something, if your beliefs and principles are worth something, then you got to fight for it. Nobody can ever take that away from you.

Everything Good List

They say when life is sucky, all you have to do is say your thank you's. And so I'm going to start thanking more frequently from now on. Starting with YOU (yes, you.), thank you for dropping by to read this post. In lieu of all the thanking (hehe), I'm going to bring out my Everything Good list once again. This has long been delayed anyway. It's time to remind myself again how wonderful life can be. (Mental note: Believe, believe, believe. Yes life is wonderful. Haha Kelangan pa talaga ng affirmation. Hehe)

-Breadtalk's pork Floss (i can never get enough. takaw!)
-Body Combat super workout
-Paris (sana makabalik pa.)
-my iPod's playlist (kahit paulit ulit lang. Hehe)
-being able to let go and not care (it's hard!)
-The Secret (i'm still working at it. concentrate.)
-Finishing my MDP 2 training (woohoo! 2 more modules to go.)
-Novenas (St. Raphael's)
-chatty, friendly (and cute) strangers ;)
-scoring tickets to the Ateneo-La Salle game (one more please for tomorrow's game?)
-being able to say goodbye and not look back (di ko pa nagagawa. haha)
-coffee and beer
-just being a friend (again, it's a hard thing to do!)
-going home a little early than usual
-UCC's corned beef breakfast (i'm currently hooked. don't know why. nothing special about it really.)
-being (and still trying) healthy
-unlimited SUN
-feeling good about yourself (it's the Secret's secret!)
-glowing and being beautiful (it's the Secret i tell you. or naging feeling lang talaga ako. haha jk)
-having lots of energy and not get tired
-a working metabolism: eating heaps and loads, then feeling as if you have not eaten anything afterwards
-steady days (i wish i could have lots and lots of it.)
-good, long, meaningful conversations
-senseless conversations

Alright I'll stop now. I'm starting to feel good already. Yipee!! :)

Rollercoasters and the Weather

Liking (or loving) someone can really be tiring. It’s like riding on a super rollercoaster.
The ups, twists, and turns leave you high, giddy, and dizzy all at the same time. You don’t know when the next drop or turn is. One minute you’re up and happy, the next minute you feel down and sad. You’re left confused as hell, dazed with all the flying signals.

You can’t really tell. Today may be a sunshiny and cloudless day, but the following day it can rain and pour without any warning at all. It can leave you all warm and then bitter cold after. Just like that; love makes you glow and sick all at the same time.

They say it is how the game is played. But that’s only for the “players” right? How about the ones who are in it for the real deal?

Tiwala

Question: When do you stop trusting?

It's when you're put in a situation where you are not sure anymore. Doubts constantly run through your mind. That queasy feeling in your gut seems to keep returning more frequently than it should be. You are not at ease with what’s going on; you start to think that everything is not what it seems to be.

Answer: You stop trusting when confidence (on a certain thing, situation, or person) makes a final exit.

Question: When is trust broken?

It's when words and actions start going in opposite directions. Contradictions are strewn all over the place. 1 apple + 1 apple = 2 bananas. As much as you try damn hard to make sense of things, you just can’t seem to. You go in expecting to get a certain thing, only to find out you’ll be getting a completely different one. Surprise surprise.

Answer: Trust is broken when you can’t figure out how adding up 2 apples can become 2 bananas. (What the?!)

Trust is a tough act. It’s something that one must strive to constantly and consistently preserve. Trust is what you say and do at the same time. It is ironic how it takes so much effort to build trust, yet it only takes a couple of seconds to break it, and probably a miracle to repair it.

Twin Flames

Excerpts from the book Bulalo Soup for the Sole by Theresa "Jew" R. Lariosa. It's a great read. All of her articles talks a lot of sense. Really funny and witty, and relational too.

Soulmates are a bane and a boon to my existence. They’re just too many to keep track of, maintain and keep. When I meet someone and there is a certain connection, I immediately look up my past lives list and wonder if I met him when I was in Vienna or Israel. I never bother to think he might be a new soul drawn to my old and tattered one.

But when I met this magnificent man a few years back, I was ready to jump off my ship that was full of bogus soulmates and stay with this one and only twin flame. He was absolutely perfect. Tall, dark and handsome. Yes, when I’m with him I resort to clichés and simple adjectives. I become dumbstruck. The verbose me turns to a mumbling fool. Abedi-abedu-abedu…Elmer Fudd would be a literate character compared to me!

He’s my twin flame. One of a kind. We click even if we’re far apart. You can’t just get that in a bar or at a street party. It’s an inexplicable, priceless connection! There were no promises made, no commitments formed and no pressure. It was as if we had not been apart for too long. It was just right that we were together at that moment.

Some say you never end up marrying your soulmate or your twin flame. Maybe that’s good. It’s probably the universe’s way of making a beautiful thing always fresh and new—never tarnished by fights, petty squabbles and tantrums. My twin flame and I know that when we hold hands, we really mean it; when we hug, the passion is there; when we kiss, it’ll always be a first.

I flew back with this knowledge and I wasn’t discouraged when I saw Manila’s polluted air. I was recharged and ready to face more of this game called life. Twin flames are meant to do that. They ignite a spark in you that makes your light shine brighter than usual. You’re of the same light. Two of a kind. When your flame begins to weaken a bit, try to look for your twin flame. If you can’t find him or her in this lifetime, there’s always a box of matches.

Hope Still Floats

HOPE.
-noun
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

-verb
to believe, desire, or trust

Perhaps it is hope not love that makes the world go round. How else then would the fallen still find the courage to fight? The forlorn to have the patience to wait for love? Or the hurting to bravely accept love again? How else then would the grief stricken still have the strength to smile?

What gives? I say hope.

When everything seems bleak and nothing seems to ever go right, giving up can be a very tempting offer. Despair starts to creep in when all efforts seem futile and we see failure grimly staring back at us. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Life isn’t exactly a bed of roses. You can’t expect everyday to be a sunny day. However this doesn’t mean we should throw everything away and start running at the slightest hint of possible failure or pain. It ain’t over til it’s over right? There. Is. Still. Hope. We believe, desire, and trust that what we want can be achieved; that things will turn out for the best.

Hope is the rainbow that comes after each rainstorm. It’s the tiny window that opens after the door closes. It’s the beautiful sunrise that comes after each dawn. It’s the stars peeking through the clouds on a dark night. Hope transforms our fears into comfort, our uncertainties into clarity, and despair into optimism. Hope gives us unbelievable strength that we don’t even know we have. Hope provides guidance when things become murky and we see nothing. We may struggle and falter, have doubts, and perhaps consider giving up altogether. But in the end we still push ourselves. Dauntless and fearless, we eagerly face our adversities and rely on hope to see us through. When life sucks and gives us a hundred reasons to give up, hope gives us a hundred and one reasons not to.

Meet My Friends

Birdie, Kid McDo, & Grimace from Clarisse.

It's A No Deal

When do you say enough is enough? When do you decide to get up and leave? As much as we want to be that super fighter with a mean ‘never say die’ attitude and as much as we want to be that tough chick who kicks butt all the time, there are going to be instances when we are going to be tried, tested, and pushed to our limits. We all have our own boiling points. Some can take the heat pretty well, while some get out as soon as they see steam coming out. But sometimes even the strong ones who initially chose to stay get burned. No matter how resilient you are, things will take its toll on you at some point or another. You’ll get tired too, and the white flag will eventually have to be raised.

Making the decision to pack up one’s bags is the hardest thing to do, because there’s always that sense of unwavering hope in us (it’s supposed to be the one that keeps us going) that maybe just maybe things will eventually fall into the right place in their own time. It plays non-stop at the back of our minds that we start believing in it and postpone our happiness for it. But we eventually get exhausted from waiting for it to materialize. And then you discover that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. That’s when you start bringing out the bags and start packing. It’s when you suddenly know it’s not worth it to stay anymore; it’s when you believe you deserve better. Be it in career, love, or life in general, we all deserve no less than the best. It’s something that we never negotiate for.

Life Bites

Life has a funny way of playing tricks on you. Sometimes when you think everything is fine and dandy, life suddenly sneaks behind you and throws you one of those big curveballs. It just hits right smack at you, that there isn’t any time to react. I’m not fond of surprises (well, except for the happy ones though. hehe). You’re caught unprepared. By the time you start to act on it, everything’s over already. Useless na. It leaves you with an awful feeling, like a bad case of stomachache. You feel weak and vulnerable, unable to think or move. You feel stupid, wishing you had known earlier. You feel hopeless and clueless on what you’re going to do about it.

I don’t know, but it seems like these past few weeks, life has been throwing me a lot of these curveballs along my way. It’s not a good feeling. It leaves you drained and sometimes sad. It leaves me with a lot of disoriented thoughts. I can’t think straight and clear at all. I feel bad for not knowing how to go about it. If only I had it my way, I just wish people would tell me beforehand so that I would know what to expect. Even if the truth hurts, I’d rather they tell me straight up. At least I can prepare myself and I would know what to do. Better yet I wish I could have the foresight to see things ahead of time. Sana manghuhula nalang ako.

Big Girls Don't Cry

Watching PBB housemate Geeann giving up Pamela, her most treasured doll may seem funny at first. Why would somebody cry so much for a doll right? But then after awhile you’d slowly understand where she’s coming from. The doll has been with her since she was a child. Pamela has been her constant comfort friend for years. Parting will always not be easy.

Each one of us probably have our own share of experiences of losing or having to part with something (or someone). The decision to let go is hard as it is. But it’s the moving on after the letting go part that’s really a big bummer (sorry for the lack of word). It’s not easy to lose all so suddenly the familiarity, constant-ness, bond that you’ve grown so accustomed to. It’s like a comfort security blanket thing that we hold on to dearly. Some have placed a sentimental attachment to it, while some see it as their emotional investment, while some have a deep personal commitment to it…all of which makes it so hard to part away with once the planets conspire and calls you to do what you’ve been dreading—to let go and give up on it.

It takes a whole lot of getting used to in dealing with the initial absence. There isn’t really any trick to make that not-so-good feeling go away. You just have to be strong, accept it, and learn to deal with it.

Sour Grapes = Tasteless

They say when you’re UP, it’s inevitable that there will be some people who will try to bring you down. It’s a nasty habit I must say. I can’t stand people who say stuff about others whom they don’t even know personally. “Can’t stand it” is to put it mildly. I should use the word hate. I hate it when people say stuff against a person whom they don’t even know personally. There.

I don’t understand why some people can be such sour grapes. Is it because of bitterness? Perhaps envy? Or insecurity? People should be happy for the person instead of looking for every opportunity to bring the person down. If you know nothing about the person then you have no right to say anything at all. It’s just not right. I do believe that a person’s track record will speak for itself. At the end of the day a smart person will know if the things that have been said are indeed true or not. So I say, before you judge a person (unfairly), try to look at your own backyard first. Clean yours first before meddling with other people’s backyards. Stop being self-righteous.

Obvious ba galit ako. Haha. For me it’s just unethical really to go around dissing people. Syempre diss the ones I love, you’ll definitely hear a looot from me. I won’t diss you back but don’t expect me not to take it sitting down either.

Meet the Easter Bunnies

Taken on a whim by none other than Tin while celebrating Val's birthday.

Left to Right: Pops, Val, Mom, Candice, Clarisse, Tin

A little trivia: We celebrate Easter Sunday to remember the resurrection of Christ. Easter eggs are used to symbolize new life. Like little chicks, we are born into a new life with Christ. Same goes for the rabbits, which also symbolizes life. You'd be surprised to know that the mother rabbits are known to reproduce lots (and lots!) of baby rabbits. 

Dark Chocolates, Jelly Beans, and Candies

Read this bit from PDI a few weeks back.  It's a nice way of neatly summing things up if I must say so.

“Bitter isn’t always bad. There’s a pleasant sort of bitterness, like rich dark chocolate. There are days when I crave for jelly beans and caramel candy, but too many sweets give me a headache. This is my dark chocolate phase, and I’m going to enjoy it.”

Everything Good List

Haven't done this in awhile. I need a good healthy dose of positivity right now. This list will  hopefully do the trick. 

-mini bagel bites
-choco Mcdip
-McDo’s new halo halo ice mix dessert
-discovering breath prayers
-clutter free thoughts
-getting loong hours of sleep
-the Serenity Prayer
-lamb chops with lots and lots of mint jelly
-fresh lumpia with lots of seaweed and nuts
-laughing
-waking up to a good dream
-seeing a nice rainbow
-steams and massages
-Mom giving me a super early birthday present
-breakfasts
-Acca Kappa
-silence…and being comfortable with it
-having an “effortless” day
-catching up with old good friends
-coming into terms with whatever is there (yes, even if I choose to have it another way)
-no nonsense people
-Akon, Gwen Stefani, Omarion (having a bad case of LSS because of them)
-McDreamy, Michael Scofield, Clark Kent, and Peter Petrelli

Me is who I am.

No amount of convincing and justification can force people to think or say what you want them to think (or say). Admit it we’re all stubborn people. People will always think what they wanna think, believe what they wanna believe. It’s because we think we’re right even if we’re not. Or maybe we just find it hard to admit we’re wrong. Call it pride or whatever. Or maybe we all just have our own “my way” of looking at things. Unfortunately some are not that blessed with a clear widescreen view. Kulang tuloy. Hehe

Sometimes I’m tired of having to explain or justify myself. It may look like I’m always on the defense when I’m actually just trying to point out a point. Hehe I used to worry like crazy about what others think or say especially if it concerns me or if it’s someone close to me. Now kebs nalang. I just let them think whatever they want to think and say what they want to say. It’s their perception and it’s not mine to change. You can’t do anything about it. I know who I am and who I am not. I know me better than they do anyway, and that's what's important. The only thing I can do is try not to get affected and let it get to me. At the end of the day, what my family and gooood friends say or think is the only thing that counts for me, really.

Truthfully Straight and Upfront

These days it’s hard to say or do something without getting judged for it. That’s why most people choose their words and actions carefully in fears of being put into a box, be over misinterpreted, or be ostracized for not being “normal”. That’s why some people choose to stay quiet and be as neutral as possible. That’s why some people pretend that things are all perfect and rosy even when it’s not okay. That’s why some people are forced to say or do things even if they don’t want to just to fit in.

I so appreciate people who can be courageously honest and be candid about themselves. They’re not afraid to let everyone see the real them, even if it would mean losing a prospect—friend, partner, client, etc. Some people would normally put their best foot forward and let everyone see the good side only. Some people do it to impress, but I believe (naïve as I may sound) that most people do it mainly to avoid being unfairly judged.

I must admit I’m not one who could freely express and open up herself so candidly to people (well except for family and close friends), mostly because I’ve always believed in less talk, less trouble. With less talk, people can’t really say anything much about you. But then I guess even if you talk or act less (or more), either way you’ll still get judged for it. It’s a harsh world I know. Nobody’s really saved.

So what do you do about it then? Simple. Sometimes you just have to not give a damn about what people would have to say about you. As long as you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes (read: R-E-S-P-E-C-T), say what you want to say. Do what you want to do. Be the real YOU you want to be. You can’t please everybody after all. Not everybody has to like you anyway. Nagpapakatotoo ka lang; believe me people will actually appreciate and love you more for that.

Disappearing Act

From Grey’s: Disappearances happen in science. Disease can suddenly fade away. Tumors go missing. We open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It’s unexplained. It’s rare. But it happens. We call it misdiagnosis. Say we never saw it in the first place…any explanation but the truth. That life is full of vanishing acts. If something we didn’t know we had disappears, do we miss it?

This happens all the time. It’s rather frustrating to not know why. Having at least an acceptable valid explanation somehow makes it easier to cope. But unfortunately most often than not, we’re left hanging on the air. Thus we have no choice but to pretend that nothing happened. Nothing existed. Zilch. Nada. As much as you want to believe it was there, you try your damn hard best to think the other way just so you won’t start missing what you thought you had since you didn’t have it in the first place. Okay this is getting confusing already. Hehe

I’ve learned that sometimes getting too attached to a thing or a person is not good. You’ll never know when they’ll be taken away (or disappear!) from you. When you get used to something and when that something becomes a part of your life, it’s not that easy to forget and not look for it. It’s hard to keep yourself from not wanting it, from not missing it. It’s pretty much like a person wanting to have his or her regular yosi or caffeine fix. There are really no instant overnight solutions on this one. But then I guess just like with every living thing, we eventually learn to adapt and survive. We make do with what we have and start learning to live without it.

I May Be Right..Not!

Sometimes I feel most of the things that I think are true are not entirely true at all. The beliefs I’ve held for so long may be far from the truth. I thought I knew everything there is to know. I thought I had every little thing (and person) figured out. I thought I was doing the right thing. I just realized that I could be wrong. I’ve been thinking, saying, and doing the opposite.

It’s like you think you’re doing one hell of a job then someone suddenly tells you you’re not. It’s like missing an easy lay-up that a star basketball player shouldn’t have missed even with eyes closed. But then he misses, much to his and everyone’s surprise. It’s like being so sure that you’re going to get an A on a project only to find out it’s as good as a B grade only. It’s when you think you’re the only person, but then you find out you’re just one of the many persons. It’s when you think you’re special and find out you’re no extraordinary than the others. It’s being happy that you got a good bargain only to find out the next store has even bigger discounts. I could go on and on. But I know you get the point already.

If there’s one thing I learned, we can’t take everything at face value. We can’t always go on assuming things (people also included here) that are not there. Everything is not foolproof. Just because we see and say that something is right does not necessarily mean that it’s actually right. And just because we feel something does not necessarily follow that other people also do feel the same way. This kind of thinking is what actually gets us into trouble. We think we’re right all the time. We think something is true. Our expectations are set so high, disappointments are bound to happen. So I figured it would be better really to just downplay everything and think the opposite all the time, because most often than not it's the only time I actually end up being right.

Getting Old...Fast!

I’m feeling old already. Before it was just all about parties and attending friends’ debuts. Now it’s all about getting invited to friends’ weddings, if not baby christenings. Aack! Before all we had to worry about are curfews, school, and relationship woes. Now aside from worrying about our careers, we also have to worry about our future—future husband, future babies, future married life. Whoa! Before all we talk about are gossips, crushes, and other senseless things. Now we talk about how we’re going to start being serious and prepare for the next level. Yikes!

I actually don’t know where I currently fit in all these. Most of the time I’m sold to the idea of getting settled for good. But there are times it scares the hell out of me. I see married couples splitting up, families broken by infidelity, and what have you. That’s why I really try hard not to get swayed by the constant pressures of finding “someone” already and getting hitched. With love, I think I deserve the right to be picky. I can’t settle for less. It’s a serious deal. It’s a lifetime commitment after all. I want to do it right the first time. I don’t want a second time or third time for this. Believe me I’m looking forward to it. I really am. I just don’t have an idea when…

Shrek is the Man!

I got a text, a meaningful one, from Shar this morning. It goes,

Tinkerball speaks, they say that when you leave NeverLand you'd grow up and meet different people who'd try and make you believe. Sometimes you'd choose a Prince, he would take you to his castle, dance with you but allow you to leave when the clock strikes 12. Sometimes you'd meet Spiderman, he'd give you the sweetest kiss but then he'd vanish all the time. Then there's Peter Pan, a guy who'd take care of you and fly with you against the wind but then you'd notice that his heart belongs to Wendy.

So I'll be like Fiona, I'll find my Shrek...not perfect but real and stays forever.

I'm all for Shrek. Always have been.

I Love Poker

In lieu with all the drama (no, not mine) that has passed this week, I deem it appropriate to write something about it.

Love is like a poker game. It depends on how much (and how long) you’re willing to gamble to win the game. The rules are simple. If you play your cards right, you win. If you don’t, you lose. If you don’t have the guts, then you will most probably lose too. There are four kinds of players. The first kind is the high rollers. They’re the ones who make the high bets all the time. They’re the ones who are not afraid to raise the stakes, go all in, and lose the game if need be. Then there’s one who bets but bets so little that you barely see them there as competition. They fly low under the radar. You usually don’t feel their presence, only until the end when everyone has lost and suddenly they’re the ones left with all the chips. I call this type the darkhorse. The third kind is the one who likes to play it safe. They’re the ones who checks all the time. They like to remain in the status quo and not do anything in fears of losing their bet. I call them the seguristas. And the last kind of player I call the bluffers. They’re the ones who usually don’t get the good hand but participate in the stakes nevertheless and pray damn hard their opponents wouldn’t notice and question their credibility. Sometimes they end up winning and sometimes they also end up losing. So which player are you?

Just like poker, love is a mind game. You constantly have to guess what your opponent is thinking. Does he have triple aces? Or maybe he has flushes? Is he going to fold? You constantly have to size up your opponent. Does he have the means to go all in? Is he bluffing? You constantly have to be on your feet, taking note of all the cards that has been laid out and those that has not been laid out. You constantly study your opponent’s moves and base your succeeding actions on them. Is he going to raise the bet? Am I going to follow suit?

Just like poker, love can be a messy game. Sometimes you get the good cards. You win. Sometimes you get a bad hand, you lose. There are times when you keep on winning the rounds and you think, “Hey this is great. This ain’t bad at all.” then just when you thought you had it in the bag, you suddenly lose the next round and everything starts going downhill from there. You think, “What the?!!” You end up more confused then ever before.

Just like poker, a lot of love is based on gut feel. You’ll never know what cards you’re going to have. You’ll never know if you’re going to win the next round. Or lose the next next round. You don’t know how much you’re going to win, or lose for that matter. You’re not sure if betting high will be worth it or betting low will be the key for you. You don’t know who your poker playmates are going to be. Am I going to enjoy their company? Will he be an asshole? Will he be a charming playmate? But despite of it all, you still want in on the game. Win or lose, you still want to continue on playing and hope that the next round will be a better round for you.

Blood Diamond

I recently watched Blood Diamond. It is based on real events. Aside from Leonardo DiCaprio starring in it (hehe), one should watch the movie to get a bigger sense of how much fighting and suffering is going on in Africa. It makes you realize all the fighting that’s been happening isn’t really so much about one’s struggle over one’s ideals. It’s not about the struggle for a specific cause but rather on who gets what—who gets the land, who gets the oil, or who gets the diamonds. Self-serving people fight over possessions and a lot of the innocent are thrown in the middle of it. It’s already bad as it is to see widespread poverty and HIV all over, then you see all these senseless deaths that the African people so do not deserve.

Based on the movie title itself, the movie tells about conflict diamonds (or blood diamonds) which are mined in war-stricken Sierra Leone and are sold to this rich diamond company who supposedly hoards all of the diamonds in the world to sustain the demand and keep the price soaring high. Mura lang pala ang diamonds! Hmnn…After watching the movie, one would think twice about buying diamonds, conflict diamonds that is. Now whenever I would see all these gorgeous diamond pieces, instead of admiring it I think about Africa and remember how much blood was shed just so people (like us) could look pretty and glam. Is it still worth it?

Now I don’t want to sound a hypocrite because just like any other girl, I don’t like like diamonds. Hehe Just like the love for cars or sports are innate in men, it’s the same thing with girls when it comes to diamonds. It’s just a food for thought for all of us. Now that we know what’s really happening, we shouldn’t turn a blind eye on it. Let’s make sure we don’t patronize war diamonds. Ask before buying. (Haha Nagpaka-advocate ba talaga.) Note: Both Bvlgari and Tiffany claim they sell blood free or conflict free diamonds.